Saturday, March 08, 2008

Rural Living #1

Well, Norm has finally lost his deer collision virginity. Over the years, the stories have been told. By both friends and family. And yet Norm has always brushed them-off. How can one not avoid hitting such a large animal? Well, it's easy to say now. They're fucking fast and they run in a straight line. Read on.

Driving home from helping a family member, Norm had just reached cruising speed on a dark, quiet highway. The last rays of daylight were fading, as the sun slipped below the treeline. Norm's old pick-up made the familiar roar as he pushed her up to a modest 50 m.p.h. His thoughts settled back into a gentle and even mood, as he reveled in the satisfaction of a job well done. No sooner had he begun to relax, when a large doe came springing out of the woods, across the empty oncoming lane, and directly down onto the front of Norm's vehicle. It moved like a hyper bunny, and crossed the road in a silent, but unavoidable 3 seconds. The direct impact of the ordeal produced the only audible sound of the event, with a combination low thud bump and high, tinny "chink" as the beast broke every bulb and reflector in the headlight assembly. It was a direct hit, and the deer went airborne, only to become visually lost in the ditch. Looking out the passenger window, Norm could see the animal was dead.